I call it the triple whammy. Why? Well, the 13th of every month is the anniversary of the day Brooklyn left to be with Jesus, or as my friend Sandy calls it, her “Heavenly Birthday”. The 14th of the month is the anniversary of her birth. And, the 3rd component to this middle of the month trifecta is that it just so happens this is the time where I find out whether I’m pregnant, or not. Which has obviously been- not. And, if you’ve ever “tried” for pregnancy, you know how devastatingly frustrating these moments can be.
But, this month it’s more of a quadruple whammy. Because, not only will I have the elevated hormones and her anniversary days, but I also have my birthday on the 15th. And, this year I wish we could just erase that day on the calendar and move on to the 16th.
Last year leading up to my birthday I remember talking with Adam about how I really wanted this birthday to be a special celebration. After all, it was a great time in life. I was 6 months pregnant with Brooklyn, finally over with my morning (all day) sickness, we had new and old friends that we were looking forward to celebrating with and it was my last birthday without kids. Or so I thought.
Adam planned a really, really fun day of good decaf coffee, kayaking on town lake, hot dogs at Frank, playing with Maggie (our insanely cute but semi-out-of-control mutt) in the back yard, and meeting up with friends that evening for Vietnamese food and a super fun show at The Mohawk. It was probably one of my favorite days – ever. To top it all off my little brother – unbeknownst to any of us – contacted the band we were going to see to wish me a happy birthday in the middle of their set. It was a great surprise! And after that I thought, “Ok well, that was awesome and next year will be a quiet day at the house playing with my 10 month old and Adam will probably make dinner or buy a cupcake.” And that sounded like bliss too.
I’m sure you all get the less than subtle implications I’m trying to make about why I wish the 15th would just skip by us. But, it won’t and I know I have a loving husband, family and friends that don’t want that day to go by uncelebrated. But, they just may be celebrating for a different reason than me. Right now, sometimes it’s hard to be happy about my life and, quite frankly, that I have it. It seems far better to be with the Lord, like that Paul guy said thousands of years ago. I am thankful for my Mom and for her laboring to have me and for my parents loving me really well my whole life. I’m incredibly thankful to have been born into their family. So, I can celebrate that. Even still the only thing that really feels worth celebrating, any day – not just on my birthday, is His nearness. And, that He made a way for us to never be separated.
He came as an angel to be with his people, like when he came to Abraham, Hagar, Moses and Jacob. Then He came as a human, because He couldn’t bare the thought of us not being with him forever. And then, he left us His very Spirit. Sometimes when I really need Him, I imagine his Spirit pumping through my blood reaching to all parts of my body and no part of my mind, body or soul is left unaffected by it.
He made a way. In my case, He made a way for me to know that I will see my baby girl again. And, not just see her. I believe he will some how make it so that my whole being will be enveloped by her. Some how I will feel the satisfaction of knowing her as deeply as possible, but still get to have eternity to experience her fully forever. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be even more beautiful and more satisfying than that, cause my brain can’t hold His plan for forever with Himself and her.
So, whether it’s His nearness now or His promise of never being separated again, I have a reason to celebrate this Sunday.
P.S. I find it all kinds of non-coincidence-symbolic-craziness that my birthday is on a Sunday this year.